Sunday, January 27, 2008

How to Make it Through Life's Train Wrecks

Somehow, despite all our hopes, dreamings and efforts, life became a train-wreck. We may or may not have got had an intimation of the at hand doom. Perhaps we were in denial or maybe completely unaware of what was swirling around just out of sight. We may have got seen it coming but didn't recognize its speed-or hoped against hope it wouldn't happen.

But here we are. We can't do the messiness unhappen. We can't even change a few inside information to do the consequences less harsh. Somehow, though, we necessitate to acquire out of the topographic point we're in. How?

Standard-issue advice says, "Forget it and acquire on with your life." On the other hand, Santayana states us, "Those who cannot retrieve the past are condemned to reiterate it." My money's with Santayana.

We can't bury our experiences. And we really don't desire to. Remembering maintains us from falling into the same traps again and again.

What we necessitate is hope. That takes some determinations about attitude. So let's speak about the mental attitudes we necessitate to travel us along.

First, we necessitate to accept the duty of letting spell of yesterday. This is hard, but eternal pining over what used to be is a no-fail formula for a sad and alone life. Life can be good again, but not if we maintain dragging the cadaver of yesterday around everywhere we go.

Second, we necessitate to allow the world that nil have to last forever drop in. That realisation gives us the balm of knowing that our current troubles won't last forever either. It's a whole batch easier to throw on to trust when we cognize that each tomorrow will be better than every painful yesterday. Maybe not by a lot, but at least by a tad.

Third, we necessitate to look at the full apparent horizons of life and recognize that some parts of it are still good-perhaps even really good. Even when life looks like a sum disaster, we can happen things to celebrate, things to be thankful for.

Fourth, we necessitate to make up one's mind to acquire our git-along inch gear wheel and bounds the clip it takes to travel from start to finish.

Here's how it goes:

We catch clasp of the fact our personal value isn't diminished by outside forces, and that gives us the strength to stand up tall.

We concentrate on what's calm good in our lives and on solutions. We don't let ourselves to concentrate on crying over the job instead of moving past it.

And we give ourselves little encouragement awards when we win a conflict or suppress a mountain.

Pain is a powerful teacher. If we're willing to larn and to utilize our hurting well, some twenty-four hours we'll see deoxythymidine monophosphate our messiness as an chance for growth. Probably even a blessing.

We never set retaliation on our to-do list. Thoughts of retaliation focusing our heads on the current mess, not on the future. And no substance how carefully plotted, retaliation rarely works, but go forths a bad taste, usually the taste sensation sensation of additional defeat. Yes, they did us wrong. No, they're not bad in the least. That doesn't intend we have got to acquire stuck in their garbage.

And we can't blow clip feeling bad for ourselves. That decelerates advancement to a crawl.

We don't desire to take our injury out on others, either. People who care about us are portion of the good things we still have.

And (I desire to compose in all caps here) let's never see ourselves-or allow others see us-as victims. Whatever the fortune that brought us to where we are, accepting the victim label states we're powerless and pitiful. If ours head impetus in that direction, we necessitate to begin playing the "Rocky" music and tally up some stairway somewhere.

The hereafter is full of possibilities, even when we can't conceive of it. Travel forward. Keep on keeping on. Mush!

© Copyright 2008 by Bette Dowdell. All rights reserved.

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